What about the promise you made your parent(s)?So, you made a promise to your parents that you would take care of them or the one that remains behind. You meant it at the time! NOW, you tell yourself that you have to keep it. In your head, the time has come, but your plate is so full that you don't know how you will ever care for your aging parent(s)and have a life, both at the same time. You may ask yourself "why did I ever decide to take on such a huge responsibility". You didn't know when you made that promise how difficult it would be to balance your family, job, parents, and of course YOU. Of course not, not one of us did. We are caught in the moment and we forget about reality. We forget that we have hopes and desires when that promise is made. We forget that this affects not only us, but our families as well. We don't realize how taxing it can and will be on our emotions, mentally and physically. After six years of caring for my mom I found myself very angry and could not figure out why. While taking care of mom I would watch other family members go on with their lives. All kinds of thoughts went through my head. It looks like I was left behind, but in reality I don't see what is going on in their lives. It's not always what it seems. Our mind can play tricks on us. We feel like we are at a standstill in our life. Maybe we do have to put different areas of our life on hold, but if we search and don't give up, we can figure out other ways to deal. If it wasn't for the support that I have through a local chapter, I would not be sane today. We will talk about support and support groups later. What do you do when you still have children at home and your mom or dad calls for you to come help, and you remember the promise you made to them but you have a school program for your child to attend? Juggling becomes a part of our life. What about grandchildren? Outside, family and friends have no concept of what we as caregivers put on hold or sacrifice in order to take care of our parents and there isn't any way they can know this without living this life themselves. I know there are days when I don't think I will make it thru another minute, much less an hour or another day. I need my prayer time every day.
This is the only way I keep on going. Family and friends seem so far away and yet they might live across the street, but they just don't seem to be there when you need them. Their lives are busy. Do you ever feel this way? When I call a sibling or friend and crash or fall apart, I start feeling very guilty and then I start feeling angry because others try to help me see how mom is seeing things. I scream inside....don't you care about me and how I see things? But I am finally starting to realize that it isn't their fault, I live in it daily, they don't, so it is hard for them to comprehend. This is such a huge endeavor and sacrifice that we give. It really is! Do you ever have regrets of where you are? But we made a promise, remember? As I was talking to one of my many supporters within a well known local group, she gently reminded me that I was grieving for what I have given up and not feeling appreciated. When she pointed this out to me I suddenly realized how much I did feel this way and that it wasn't me just feeling sorry for myself. I am grieving! Thank God for those out there that are available for us when we need to just unload. Remember, this is a process and not an event! One day we will break through the cocoon and live a life of freedom! Well, I will add more later as more thoughts come to my mind. Please, feel free to email me if you ever need someone to listen. |
